As some of you know, my wonderful mom departed this earth last week for a beautiful home where sickness and pain can’t go. We’re in her original hometown this week for a second memorial service, and as we await that service tomorrow morning, I wanted to share with you some of the thoughts I shared at last week’s memorial service. Thank you for all of the prayers – we miss her dearly, but know we’ll see her again.
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My mom and I were as different as day and night. Literally. She was day and I was night.
She was serious and I was comic relief.
She was The Hunt for Red October and I was Gone with the Wind.
She was painting pictures with an artist’s brush and I was taking pictures with a camera.
She was crossword puzzle books with the answers torn out and I was just a quick peak if I get stuck.
She was music and I was theater.
She was logic and I was emotion.
She was dainty cotton nightgowns with ribbons and eyelet and I was fuzzy footie pajamas.
She was schedules and lists and I was last-minute and forgotten things.
She was a rush to the scene with lights and sirens (as a paramedic) and I was a silent observer.
She was history, biographies, classic literature, and college course required reading material and I was The NY Times Bestsellers list.
She was Norwegian Elkhounds and Miniature Schnauzers and I was kittens and wild animals.
She was an endless source of answers and I was an endless source of questions.
To state an obvious one…she was tall and I was not.
It’s amazing to me how God can take two polar opposites, put them together, and somehow, just make it all work. On Sunday night, as my dad and I stood at my mom’s bedside, we thanked God for being the difference. The difference in each of us, the difference between sickness and health, the difference between hope and despair, the difference between death and eternal life, and the difference between what we need and what we think we need. I’m so thankful that in our relationships that are filled with so many differences…God is the difference that unites us. In all of our differences…He makes the difference.
Yes, she was sand on a beach and I was snow on a mountain…but God was the bridge that closed the gap between the two.
It’s true – she was pearls and black onyx and I was diamonds and sapphires…but Jesus was the chain of gold that held us together.
She was Mumma and I was Jenny…but the Holy Spirit was Comforter for us both.
I wish there was time to tell you all the stories I remember about my mom from my childhood. In the last three days, I’ve looked through every old picture in our possession and been reminded of things long ago forgotten – but her life was not about looking back. It was always looking forward. And as I look back on the life I saw her live, I need something of her to carry forward. Not just for myself, but for my family, and for all of you.
During her last few days on this earth, I couldn’t help but ask “why?” My mom was no stranger to pain and sickness. There’s not time enough to recount all that she went through in her 62 years, and I don’t even know a quarter of it, but I’ll condense as much as I can into a couple of sentences. As a teenager, with broken bones and missing teeth, she survived an auto accident that took the life of the other passenger in the vehicle. As a young adult, she was diagnosed with diabetes and ovarian cancer, went through surgeries, chemo and radiation, and pneumonia. As I was having children of my own, she went through kidney failure, dialysis, a transplant, and a stroke. In the last few years, she’s had incurable blood and bone infections, broken legs, an amputation, skin breakdowns that left her bones open to the air, loss of vision, and countless diabetes complications.
My mom spent so much time in and out of doctors’ offices, hospitals, and treatment clinics, that even some medical staff have commented that they’ve never seen one person go through so much. When I thought about God’s plans for her life, I saw every health issue as an opportunity for miraculous healing. I never stopped believing in that outcome – something so easy for God to do – something He had already done for her many times before. But as we look at our own lives and the lives of those around us, it’s so easy to set our eyes on a perfect fairytale ending, even though we’re not writing the story. When life doesn’t fit my fairytale, and I find myself asking “why?”, I thank God for His words in Isaiah 55:
My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,
And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
We sometimes think that a healing (from problems in health, family, relationships, finances, or anything else) is the best outcome possible and anything short of that is just second best. That if we don’t receive that instant and complete healing, then we just weren’t good enough in God’s eyes. And we can look around us at people we’ve judged to be less worthy than our loved ones, and we can become bitter toward God for the unfair mistreatment. But I thank God for being the author of our life stories, because sometimes the roads we travel during the struggles lead us to a place much higher than we would have known otherwise. If we were the authors, we would never write our lives that way.
It’s not only what we learn through our own struggles, but what others learn from watching, and what we learn by watching others. Through unimaginable physical pain, long-term disabilities, and what had to have been continuous emotional travesties, I never once heard my mom whine about the unfairness or even sigh in frustration. She never gave up, even for a minute, and she never asked for recognition.
There is only one way to endure as she did, with the grace that she had…and that’s to know the safety and comfort of the Lord’s arms no matter the obstacles that seem so inescapable. On March 1st, 2010, my mom received her instant healing – it wasn’t my way. And it wasn’t my dad’s way. It was God’s higher way. I praise Him for sending me an example of HOW to endure the struggles of this world, because we’ll all have struggles…daily. But by watching my mom, I know there’s grace and strength…and true reward…in trusting the Lord with the pen and paper that writes our story. Once again, I thank God for being the difference between what we need and what we think we need. I know she found sweet rest in Him daily…that He delivered her daily…and that she now dances with the angels daily.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Martin Luther King Jr Day! I hope your holidays have all been wonderful! Our family has had several hospital stays, including two ICU visits, throughout the season, so things have been a bit hectic here. I will be back as soon as possible for those of you who can forgive the lack of updates and return again later! Thanks again, for your patience and prayers! Drop me a note – I’d love to hear from you, too!
For those of you who aren’t on Facebook and may be wondering where I am…my husband was in the hospital for a couple of weeks undergoing plasma exchange treatments. A few days after he left, my computers (two of them!) crashed and I was left with the very archaic Blackberry method of communication.
Things are settling down now – my husband’s home, both computers have been rebuilt, and I expect to be back in a few days. As far as my husband’s condition, the plasma exchange didn’t have the dramatic impact we had hoped for, but there have been some minor improvements and all antibodies have been removed for the next three months, which means there shouldn’t be any new exacerbations within that time frame. On the flip side, his immune system was completely “disconnected” – an intentional process in which the potential benefits outweighed the risks. Thank God we know a master healer personally!
Drop me a note and let me know how you’re doing! I’ll be back very soon!
Melinda Roberts, author of Mommy Confidential: Adventures from the Wonderbelly of Motherhood, co-founder of PearSoup.com, and Blogger in Chief of the MomBlog Network, listed iMommies as the “Site of the Day” on her own website, The Mommy Blog! Thanks, Mindy – I’m completely honored by the recognition!
Go check out The Mommy Blog and Mommy Confidential! I promise you’ll be 100% entertained!
I had some cleaning up to do after the big party, so decided to rearrange a few pieces of web furniture. When that wasn’t quite satisfactory, remodeling was the obvious next step!
I put up some walls, added a few windows, hung a sign, (took down the self-portrait!), bought a big screen TV (repairman is on the way!)…
Guest Post from Wyatt:
My dog Midnight was so cute when we got it I cried so much all I wanted was hug her.I only had her one year it was a good year.I didn’t pay enough attenchen to her. that made me sad so I felt bad ror myself.If I get another dog I promise I will take better care of it.I hope the people who read this wish that I will get another dog and Take better care of it.and the first time it came in are house she barked when she looked in the oven.I feel bad for all the other people that had a dog and died I bet you were really sad when when your pet died am i right or not.see ya later alligator that means bye if you didn’t know it means bye.have a good time in heanen Midnight!I’ll miss you for ever.don’t get to sad. you were my only best friend i ever had bye bye .be good up in heaven.I’ll always be with you if you don’t know were.it is way down deep like a sea.I’ll miss you so very much that I’ll use my tears to make you.
Due to overwhelming popularity (and a really slow server), Restaurant.com has continued their 80% discount through Sunday 08/10/08!
If you had difficulty getting through today, you still have the rest of the weekend to shop!
Click HERE, select your gift certificates, enter FIRST at the checkout, then recalculate the total to see your 80% savings! (The restaurant choices, terms, and available certificates vary by geographic location, so be sure to check the restaurant selections in your vacation destinations, as well as your local areas!)
Another fun game of tag…Karen, at Little Fun; Little Learning, tagged me with this game of “Tell seven random and weird things about yourself”…and now I’m “It”!
Here’s a random and weird picture too. A group of us dressed up as the Dog Bounty Hunting team for Halloween two years ago, and I went as Beth. I tried to pose with a stern look on my face like Beth does, but as you can see…it just turned out weird!
Nothing could have made my day any better…birthdays and holidays are a big deal at our house (we love to celebrate)! Yesterday was my birthday, and amidst all of the wonderful goodies and special treatments, Elizabeth (self-proclaimed nickname of ‘Lyze’), gave me the BEST gift…and it seemed only fitting to post it on iMommies.
